Since ditching my coaching business, I feel like I have come home to me.
This sounds odd as I say it but this is how I feel.
For such a long while I have been trying to be something which I am not. As a result my soul has been painfully battered along the way. I lost trust in myself and my abilities as I was trying to do something which my heart was begging me (very quietly at first) not to pursue. I was so caught up in the noise and thinking starting a ‘coaching business’ was the route I ‘SHOULD’ be taking…. I was so plugged in that wasn’t listening to that inner knowing.
I was too busy getting advice, spending out on websites for my new coaching business.. I had my head down launching myself as “myself”. You know… a personal brand… all about me… look at me… I am all over it… Yet when I took time out to look at my values I could see that this wasn’t me at all. As a child I was happiest making cosy little dens in wardrobes not out there shouting “look at me” to all my friends.
When I found out I received a First for my IT degree, instead of being proud, I ushered my gushing parents out of the hall so no one heard them as someone may have heard that I had a First as I was EMBARRASSED!
So how I thought I could make it (or that I even wanted to make it!) in the business coaching world which is full of peacock feathers, boasting about all your wealth (even if you were penniless) boasting about all your clients success (even if you didn’t have any!) just to get ahead. Even when I have something to shout about I keep it well hidden as don’t want people to think I am full of myself. But all the same this is what I felt I should do… I was having a lot of success helping the ladies we work with, they all seemed happy and I wanted to work with other creative businesses so launched my “personal brand” BUT everything seemed too much like hard work as I HATED social media.
I hated that I was surrounded by all this arrogance and BS. I mean I was bombarded with “6 figure launch blueprints” and “I made my money teaching to be rich (even though I was poor) and I can help you teach people to get rich.. to get rich…” It honestly made my heart sink and felt sick to my stomach. I didn’t want any part of it yet I had sunken thousands into all of this as I was blindly following the shoulds.
You see having run a 6 figure business for years I know that this in itself is meaningless. That when you are a heart centered human having “money” as your focus is the fastest route to unhappiness. If that is how you are monitoring your success then you are setting yourself up for a whole lot of emptiness when you get there. I promise you that money alone can not bring you fulfillment and that I would rather help people enjoy their lives, find their hidden dreams, give them encouragement while they explore what it could look like and give them a lift so they can go out in search for it. People with no money can have the most amazing of lives if they are following their hearts and people who are surrounded with wealth can to. The money (to a certain point) is irrelevant.
Saying this we all need to earn money and we need to be rewarded handsomely for all the value we put out in to the world. Money makes the world go around and is a vital part of life BUT if you have this as your only goal and are willing to sell your soul (or your loved ones souls) to get it then I think you are perhaps blocking out your inner voice and inner calling too. You think this money will ‘save’ you but really it wont. Just look at those lottery winners who lose it all the month after they got it. Also I have seen cases where that money has ruined their lives.
I actually created a 6 figure business without even having it as a goal, I didn’t know it was a ‘thing’ as it was before Facebook and this awful industry. I just got up and did my thing day in and day out and had no fear or missing out, I had literally no advise to follow… Just my inner guidance telling me what I should try and being ok with failing and trying it a different way until it worked… I had no fear I was being judged and loved how invisible I was… how I long for those days 😉
But since trying to follow some of this advise where it became more about the money I have stopped growing. PArt of the reason I could not grow it as I have been suffering from PND for a few years but I half think this was caused by knowing I was not living my truth. I bit like when I was prescribed antidepressants to put up with my IT career in my 20’s.. I knew then I had to change my life.. and my PND was another sign that I had drifted off course a little.
I have every confidence that now I have found myself (ooohhh deep!) that I will start growing again. And something more than this.. I believe it will start to grow without any ‘hard’ work from me. I believe that now I have stepped into my truth and shed the skins which I picked up listening to the BS that I will attract my ‘tribe’ who I want to hang out with and drink fizz with FOR FUN as we discuss our most wildest dreams (here is my current one) yet I will be offering them so much value that they will WANT me to be paid well as they are like me… people who see the value in others and are only happy when everyone is rewarded for their gifts.
I am FB friends with an amazing lady. She charges £5000 a day for coaching and her clients pay it happily AND gift her amazing gifts as a thank you. I want to be in this energy space.. total gratitude, total honesty and total alignment. Where you are in a community where everyone loves each other and seeks to make payments and gifts as they can see the worth shining out of each others pores… and they do this as YOU can see the worth in yourself too as you are YOU and not pretending to be someone else.
Blimey this was a long one.. but wanted to get it out 😉 I only sat down to write a little meme BUT then this feels good. I WANT to share this now as I am not trying to “project” myself as anything other than my true-self. I was so fearful of saying the wrong thing that became mute online for a while. I am no longer trying to look like I have my Sh*t together as who the hell does? I want to keep it real, open and honest the whole damn way from now on… are you with me? If you feel like I would be the sort of person you would enjoy hanging out with and chasing our true dreams together then please come and follow me on instagram and come and share your story with me.
with love and gratitude