I was looking through my Instagram feed and felt “meh” .
It’s so bland and beige and not what my soul wants. It’s what I’ve become though. It’s what I show up as in the world as it is safer than to show me. Showing cute holiday snaps and trying to be all ‘insta’
When did I lose myself so much? Was it when I became a Mum or before this? I don’t think I will ever really know but what I do know is that when I look at who I have become lately I not only feel Meh but also feel deep sadness knowing I am meant to be a brightly coloured mermaid who swims to her own tune and is never afraid so swim alone in deep waters as that is where her heart is calling her but her body and consciousness has chosen to cover her from head to toe in beige.
I’ve got a tongue in me which speaks the truth and yet I keep it hidden incase it upsets someone. Infact when I first wrote that sentence I wrote my tongue was vile. VILE. How is the truth Vile? Uncomfortable YES but not Vile.
I see others who speak their truth and I am drawn to them like a moth to a flame and yet I don’t allow myself the same freedom to speak up even though it’s what I feel I’m here to do.
I get little windows where I snap and it all pours out and then I get back in my beige box.
If I saw my account I wouldn’t follow it. I would think meh! It isn’t me… I am doing it because that is what I see I am meant to do.
But I am ready to shout and scream until more and more people wake up to the stupidity which is hanging over our heads at the moment. I feel we are all lost, all scared and all feeling slightly miffed that we bought into a system which was forced upon us and they are stealing our futures from in-front of our eyes. This is a big part of “Create More Space” in that I want space from the system. Space from the noise and space from the ‘shoulds’ in this world. I want to live an alternative and authentic life as the system which is being forced upon me makes me feel super heavy and as if I am being dragged down a path I desperately don’t want to go on just because it is the ‘norm’. Please say I am not the only one?
In my humble opinion our country is being run by an old boys club (with a few women who lead in the masculine way) who are trying to get the country out of the mess with the same thinking that got us into this. We swing between one terrible government who makes a mess to another who makes a bigger mess trying to undo the mess before and then it repeats and repeats. It is like a pendulum which swings between the extremes and it is becoming a ticking time bomb. I fear for my kids, their kids and my great grand kids to be. What the hell are we handing them?
The government seem too scared to speak the truth too. They tell us what they think we need to hear based on how much money it will generate for the country. We are not sold what is best for us but what is best for the ‘country’…
But where does this money for our country go? Into teaching NO, into nursing NO, into the police NO… into the deep pockets of politicians YES. Into weird and wonderful schemes which look good but do nothing YES? Into debating for months on end over pointless facts while people are left in corridors in hospitals and good teachers are let go of because of lack of funds? YES
What would this world look like if we paid less tax but had to give a percentage of our money to volunteer organizations for causes which meant something and that made a REAL difference? Perhaps we could give to charities which support schools? Perhaps giving mothers support who have been abused and are living in a refuge, charities which support families who are struggling… things which make a REAL difference in our lives now?
You would think there was budget from our government for these but NO… the pots are empty and you only realise this when you are on rock bottom and are needing some help… to realise the only people there to help you are everyday people who have decided to give up some of their time to help for free. Not the system which you have ploughed thousands into over the years. Makes you think doesn’t it!
What if the Government just stopped trying to ‘improve’ on things which don’t need improving on just to prove that they have done something. Why not let a board of teachers WHO ARE TRAINED decide on the curriculum and the way they grade etc etc..If it has worked for years why invest so much time and money in changing it when the schools and teaching staff are already up to their eyes and dropping off in thousands around the country due to stress.
Instead of a posh boy with no grasp on reality and who has never been in a normal classroom before let alone taught in one re-write the school book so he can tell his boss “look what I did”
We are shown the stats which try and demonstrate the government is doing a ‘good job’ instead of the truth. Just see what good old Mr Hunt does via MR Rant on Facebook…
Or the fact we are being spoon fed that teachers are getting a 3% pay rise… what we are not told is that teachers have not had a pay rise in god know how many years and this measly increase means they are still not inline with inflation… then look at the pay rises this small group of elite politicians get.. But these poor teachers are made to feel grateful and lucky despite the fact they are often working for less than minimum wage and are often days away from a nervous breakdown. The only reason we have functioning schools is because people are committed to seeing the kids thrive and so the only option is to give up their time and put in extra hours which they are not paid for. One again it is the ordinary person who is saving the day and not our government.
If we had a business which was failing rapidly because of the people steering at the top then they would lose their job. They wouldn’t be kept and re-positioned in another equally important role which they have no experience in to mess that up just as much. They also would not be getting massive pay rises regardless of how much shit they created.
In business we bring in people who understand and have experience in the areas they are left to manage.
Where did it go so bloody wrong in this world that we have posh boys running the NHS who have had no training and have been allowed to learn on the job as they bring the NHS to its knees?
Show me one profitable business who take on people from only one school or set of breeding regardless of their proven track record in a particular area.
This wasn’t the blog I set out to write.. it was going to be more about me and how I am getting ready to roar and stop playing small.. but this is the fire in my belly. The conversations I have over and over again.
We need a new way. We need a new group of leaders. A set of leaders who have spark, who have entrepreneurial thinking who can get us out of this mess as they would their own sinking ship. Not a bunch of highly over educated posh boys with no grasp on reality who seem to be playing with our future and know that if they fuck it up in as royal way as Mr Cameron then they can go into hiding too and will never have to pay the price.
I mean some of these politicians who are meant to have our backs are the ones who steal from us time and time again. Who increase their expenses and continue to defraud the system and yet it is just seen as a bit ‘merky’ and not indicative of the “them” and “us” leadership styles.
I just have to look around and I see so many people out there sacrificing their own income to work for charities, to fundraise and to create movements to see positive changes. Imagine if those people got our support over the government… what if together we could start to make a massive movement in this world and leave the government and their old “heckling” ways to it…
We don’t need them… when we have each other… but we need to come together so we are stronger than them. This is what they fear the most and I see most of their actions are set to keep people small and afraid. The biggest issue for a leader to face is leading a body of people who don’t want to be led.
I mean what respectable business would hold board meetings where you heckle, sneer and cheer over each other? You would be embarrassed and would ask to leave any culture where you openly rip each other down and apart? how is this instilling respect in our culture?
This is about honouring and supporting all those charitable organisations who are born out of a cause and run by people who are giving something far more than money… their time which is in short supply. More than the our dear leaders at the top are willing to do … hence their massive pay rises year on year while those which they are meant to be helping are left with nothing.
This is about realising that we can’t keep putting our faith into a system which is corrupt in places, has no joined up thinking, who has staff with no experience making decisions which effect millions and where they allow people to run off and hide if they make a catastrophic decision which could push the country into darker places than we are ready for.
We are living in a system where a few lead the masses… which would be fine if the few were respectable and responsible. But they are not. So we need to move to a system where real people with a real thirst for goodness in this world are given the support, finance and encouragement in order to make the difference in the world they want to see and stop waiting for magic to happen during the heckles at question time.
Phew that feels better!!! Seriously… where did all that come from? I only sat down to write a little FB post!!
eeek.. I am pressing publish and I am scared! Pass my beige blanket 😉