Hello… yep you read that right. I have a bonafide psycho in my head and as a dyslexic that is quite hard for me to spell so I would not have written this post if it wasn’t true 😉
I am desperately trying to fight said psycho but the force is strong.
There are some situations in my life at the moment, not serious, but ones which trigger me. Dishonesty, unfairness and the like which all lead to me thinking a noisy chain of thoughts which lead me down a darkened alley to try and escape.
I WILL NOT GO DOWN THAT ALLY anymore.
Instead I am trying to fight it.
Every time it thinks “She must hate you, she lied to you, she did this and then that and it must mean she has always hated so she was just using you and blah blah blah…”
I try and shut it up by literally thinking the words
“That is not helpful. I don’t want to think those thoughts any more. Be quiet. It is safe for me to not feel like that and choose let those thoughts go”
But they keep coning over and over again. It gets stronger and stronger.
Luckily I can see is that I am not alone which is why I feel safe to write this. I wonder if you can relate? I would love to hear from you in the comments if you can. Perhaps a work colleague did something unethical or a partner is treating you in not a very nice way and we all plague our own thoughts with things like the above.
Thinking these thoughts achieve nothing. It is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die and the even ridiculous thought is that 9 times out of 10 it is not even an enemy…
A simple chat would solve it all but our demons/mind monkeys/thought munching psychos won’t allow us to deal with it rationally or ‘let it go’ and insist of blowing it all out of proportion so our emotions are heightened and we then get anxious so we can’t deal with it effectively.
I feel in an odd place as I am seeing the psycho as clearly as I see my own face and yet it normally hides in the shadows which is why most people act the way they do. People are so busy they don’t have time to acknowledge ‘him’ and so he is free to run riot all over their lives.
Now I see him (not sure why I have decided it is a him… and perhaps is quite revealing) that I realize how persistent and strong he is and even with a conscious fight I am currently losing the battle. I need to sharpen my tools and come back stronger than ever before.
So my next step, now I have awareness, is to find ways to stop it in it’s track. To perhaps trick it or short circuit it.
Writing that I feel like I am starring in my own horror movie and I need to learn to shut down this cruel and wicked monster.
We all know that these characters like to put up a strong fight but do ALWAYS lose in the end so we can do it… we can be the star of our own movie which is our life and we will not let our psycho steal the show.
I am sorry I don’t have answers just yet but perhaps for now just acknowledge that we all have a potential psycho living in our heads and it does not make you crazy ( I hope!) or the whole world would be certified crazy… while it may feel like this at the moment I don’t think we are quite there yet 😉
It is up to us to give this psycho it’s eviction order or at-least starve it of space, air and water so it hard for it to survive.
I don’t think it is just acknowledging our own psycho either. Our friends and family have them too so when people are ‘off’ with us it could be that they are mid scene with there own living nightmare and just need some time to end the scene and move to the next one where their ‘happy’ can return.
With love as always
My psycho and me 😉