Well Being & Mental Health

Releasing the need to understand could create more space in your life

Something I feel I need to be learning at the moment is about releasing the need to understand why.

For me I need to try and work out the why behind behavior. So WHY has someone responded like that or WHY is someone “being off ” with me.

My brain becomes a hunter and won’t rest until it has worked it out. Not by researching I would like to point out or shock horror ASKING but it tries to work it out by itself.

As I have studied NLP I understand that what I am doing is ‘mind reading’. I am writing my own story in most of these situations but my brain NEEDS a story which makes sense and if there is not one present then I will make one up subconsciously so my mind can settle on the ‘answer’ even if it is not true.

So I am mind reading someone else but with my own voice which is totally influenced by my low self confidence.

As an example.

ME: “ohh she seems really off with me today and I am not sure why”
ME: “hmmmmm perhaps I did something and didn’t realise…”
ME: “Oh she must really hate me”
ME: “God I am so unlovable and that is why she hates me.. there is no other reason”

See how I got from a ‘frosty glance’ (which we have already acknowledged HERE could be because she is suffering inside) and turned it into her hating me…

And here is the thing.

I can’t possibly understand someone else behaviour if all I am doing is putting over my own set of made up rules over their behaviour and then twisting the reality until it makes sense TO ME and fits in with the beliefs I have formed over the years.

What I need to do is let go of this need of understanding and just let it be.

If someone does something hurtful to me (in my eyes!) I need to just let it go and just trust that they had their own reasons and I really don’t need to know or understand them in order to forgive them or to move past it.

It is one I am yet to master but just writing this down and exploring this need has helped a lot so thanks for listening…

Basically I feel I need to be allowing myself to be at one with the world and those around me and stop asking for answers around things that I really don’t need answers for.

So being strong enough to not need a certain set of behaviors from someone just to feel accepted or happy.

Instead being strong enough to think “it is the way it is and it is OK to not understand. They have their reasons and that is OK” and “I choose to let these pointless thoughts go and trust that everything is just as it should be”

You see the more we can let go of this noisy chatter in our heads, which keep us from being happy, the more space we will create in our lives for happiness.

And at the end of the day we all need more space in our lives for happiness.

This really is something I am struggling with so the next step is to learn HOW to let go of these inner dialogues which are making me unhappy. There is so much to unpick here and really is just the beginning. But I do know that if I can learn to let go of those poisonous thoughts I will make a massive step towards the life I want to be living.

With love and thanks for listening,

Victoria