Isn’t life great. Isn’t life hard. Isn’t life confusing.
Seriously I can’t make my mind up how I feel. One minute I am literally up in the clouds (because I can fly) sprinkling glitter over everything as I can’t contain my excitement.
The next minute (and yes I mean literally) I can be using every inch of my inner strength to brush something off which has floored me emotionally and feel like creating a rabbit warren house and retreating totally.
It is why I am not really suited to “Social” Media as I am far to sensitive/emphatic/fill-in-the-blank
I also have far to low self esteem/confidence/belief in my own talents and spend most of my time online looking at everyone else comparing myself to them and making myself feel totally crap.
I see someone doing something I thought of doing, convince myself they are doing it far better than I could ever do and try and talk myself out of trying.
I see someone be showered in love and convince myself that no one loves me.
I see someone looking radiant and convince myself that I should not leave the house as I am far to ugly/fat/fill-in-the-blank
I see someone spending time with their kids laughing in photos and I convince myself I am the worst mother in the world.
If I spent my day in my own head then I believe I can do ANYTHING. I believe in myself and I am excited about what I can achieve.
When I spend time online I undo all of that and end up sobbing in the corner as I am just too useless compared to everyone else out there that I couldn’t achieve even the simplest of my dreams.
I seem to spend my days going from pure excitement in what I am about to create to pure self loathing.
If I was talking to one of the lovely ladies I support I would fill them with love, confidence and tell them to stop listening to all the BS online, to stop looking and torturing themselves and concentrate on them, their family and dreams. Why can’t I convince myself of this?
I would also tell them (me!) that even if someone tried their absolute hardest to be ME then they would fail. They would fall so far off the mark that it would be laughable. Because no one in this world can do what I do, in the way I do it and for that reason alone I should NEVER compare myself to anyone else as it would be like comparing apples and oranges.
I Mother in my own way.
I do business in my own way.
I make pottery in my own way.
I make friends in my own way.
I love in my own way.
So if you find yourself in the trap of comparisonitus please stop. Please look in the mirror and see the unique beauty in your eyes. Please know that what is inside of you trying to get out is pure gold and the only person in the world who can get that out and make the world a better place because of those unique talents is YOU. Even if you hung up your “being you” hat .. no one could come and fill that role and all that incredible uniqueness would be wasted. What if you are here to change the world in even the smallest way and by you retreating through fear and self doubt you would be changing the course of the world forever (and not in a good way).
What if the world was depending on you coming out to do YOUR thing in YOUR way and quite simply you can’t let it down. The world really does need you to be you. Not a copy of someone else, not a muted version of you and all your oddities… you in every beautiful technicolored crazy-ass way you can imagine.
Sending lots and lots of love to you if this resonated with you at all as it is a tough journey being a sensitive emphatic person in business. Not only is business tough but maintaining our self belief through all the noise of the internet is an ongoing battle and one which we must not lose.
PS: I was looking to find a photo for this blog and came across this selfie I had with Clemmie who is a very well known blogger. She is also Creative Director for Facebook and Instagram. It took all my guts to ask for this photo as it is totally out of my comfort zone BUT I did it. The reason this photo felt right to add to this blog was that during the talk she did.. what struck me most was how normal she was, how honest she was, how open she was and how lovely she was. She was just happy in her own skin, doing her own thing and her tribe found her. She wasn’t trying to be anything other than who she was and through that she has created this amazing blog. Finding a following was not part of her master-plan – it all happened by ‘accident’ because she was just writing for HER, in HER way and as a form of therapy for her. She wasn’t writing to be like anyone else, she wasn’t analyzing anyone else’s success and trying to replicate it, she wasn’t talking her self out of blogging as her style was different to anyone else… she just cracked on and did it. A bit like when I started my first biz 16 years ago.. I was in my own world, with my own plans and nothing to compare it to. I just need to create these circumstances again somehow so I am unaffected by what is going on out there.. and I can just step back into being me without fear. I know this is where I am strongest and where I will be able to make my dreams come true.