This time last year I was rocking on the floor sobbing hysterically as my Children watched me. I knew it was bad, and I was probably scaring my children for life, but I could not pull myself together. I was done. I was broken. I was exhausted. I was “on the edge”. They were scared, shocked and at a loss of what they should do. They were 2 and 4.
Why am I telling you this? Well what happened a few days later was that I took myself off for a weekend in a hotel to be by myself. I had never done anything like this alone but knew in my heart that all needed was some space to ”pull myself together”. To be able to think in a straight line and to recharge my batteries.
I felt the obligatory guilt that every mother feels in not doing her ‘duties’ and asking her husband to cover for her but I knew that if I didn’t give myself this time and space I would end up doing something irreversible.
That short break was the best gift I could have given my children. Me back to me (well closer anyway!)
That short break has seen me through the past year and was just enough to give myself something which I believe every mother needs but is always in such short supply.
Let’s rewind a little… when we were kids the chances are that we had our own room or at least a space which was our own. I actually remember creating a den in a wardrobe which I would spend hours in reading and making things. I needed to escape from the real world even as a child. We then marry and we don’t have a space which is our own any more…. then we have children and slowly but surly they inch into every area of your life.
Nothing is sacred when you have kids. You put down your keys by the door and 2 hours later you find them on the bathroom floor, your precious jewellery that holds huge memories gets lost in some pocket somewhere which will end up in the charity shop and let’s face it it is not like you have time to search every pocket or bag multiple times a day.
The other thing which is no longer sacred are your thoughts. As a creative I am up in my head for the majority of my time. I am always working out a solution, dreaming up a new idea or planning my next move but with kids around I can barely string a sentence together before getting interrupted for something urgent such as “there is a bug on the carpet” or “look at me stand on one foot”
Don’t get me wrong, I adore my kids but I just can’t spend every waking moment in the minutiae of motherhood. I am not a details person. I love big picture thinking and hatching plans to change something… I don’t get bogged down in the how very often and yet as a parent it all seems to be in the detail…
What is for lunch, tea, where to have a birthday party, who to invite, what’s for Christmas, what size clothes are their wearing, do they need new shoes, playing the same game for a zillion times, making drinks on repeat, fighting over eating vegetables.. it is the constant demands of all these TINY things which caused me the issue as my brain is aching to be up in the clouds (where I am happy) and yet I am having to crawl around on the floor (literally on my belly) doing the same thing on repeat with pretty much no recognition.
I have realised recently that I have stopped myself dreaming big since becoming a Mum as I know I now have huge limitations on my time, mind and energy.
I used to think I could do anything but since becoming a Mum I now feel like I am half the person YET I am actually infinitely MORE than I was before I became a Mum.
I have SO many more skills and can cope with so so much more.
Yet I have lost confidence in all areas.
I think these feelings of inadequacy, the lack of space to think, the lack of time to take action and the constant feeling of ground hog day sent me into mentally shutting down.
I felt scared that I was struggling so much and yet I was only 6 years in to the Motherhood journey. I felt I was loosing everything and in particular my sanity.
I genuinely thought I was heading into a total break down and I feared for my kids. I actually fell out with a lot of people around that time. I was over reacting to things and generally acting out of character.
Taking that time out set a series of events in motion. It gave me time away from things to really connect with what I wanted and more importantly NEEDED.
It gave me some confidence as I drove myself somewhere and spent the entire weekend in my own company. It was Christmas time and I was sat on my own in the large restaurant while everyone around me was wearing Christmas hats on massive tables. They sat me in the middle of the room on a table for one and yes I felt awkward but allowed myself to lose myself in the quiet of my mind and the space I had to think.
This is where CreateMORE.Space has come from. I want to give people who feel on the edge a chance to take a ‘Daycation’ from the hustle of life and spend some time connecting inside.
I appreciate booking into a hotel for the whole weekend is extreme but booking a day out for you could be just enough to take you from overwhelm to thinking and feeling like you can handle what life will undoubtedly throw at you next.
Over the years I have qualified as an NLP practitioner, an EFT practitioner as well as LOVING all things creative. It is no coincidence that I chose to go to the Craft Hotel as I could spend time learning new things and loosing myself in the process of the class which is what I want to bring into our daycations here at the retreat.
I know that the space, the therapies and techniques I have tried and the creativity I am able to dig into (and is available to EVERYONE) is what has ‘saved me’
Being lost in life is horrible feeling. A truly horrible feeling which is magnified when you are a mother as you have so much on your shoulders and one slip up feels like you let the most important people in your life down.
The thing is that if we can get you some clarity over why you are feeling the way you are feeling, the confidence to put yourself first and the understanding that the best thing you can do for your children is to put your own mental health first then I believe we can start to steer the next generation towards a much happier existence.
I am only one person and feel like I am trying to move a mountain but if I don’t truly try then nothing will ever happen.
So my first step in making a difference is to form a large and supportive community of Mums who desperately want to be the best Mum they can but they gave up an idea of perfection a long time ago in a saddened realisation that they can not do it all as the books advertise. A community of Mums who want to find time for themselves and understand that their health (mental and physical) is so much more important than anything else. That we can’t give from an empty cup yet the current system seems to dictate that we are permanently trying to pull more out of a bone dry cup and if there was even a drip in there we would prioritise everyone else over us.
I want us to pull together and work out a way where by being just a little more focused on our own well being that we can, at the same time, bring up happier and well balanced children.
To get started I want to do a give away in our new community and would like you to join us, to share this and actively invite your Mum friends to join too. The bigger we can grow this community the more resources I will be able to attract through sponsorship to deliver the work I want to do for free (or heavily subsidized)
I don’t want this to be a one woman crusade but a community where we all feel a sense of belonging. A movement towards guilt free self care for Mothers.
I want to see us feeling less guilty about doing things for ourselves, feel braver to listen to our hearts and to stop the internal battle of what you want and what you think you ‘should’ want. I want us to see, as clearly as possible, how vital our own mental health is for the future of our culture. Unhappy mothers will struggle to bring up happy children. It all starts with US but not in a “another thing to add to my list way” but in a “what can I take off my list to make space for me” way.
So to be in with a chance tp win this free Christmas Survival gift for a Mum
with love, blessings and deep gratitude